so you want to do a (conference, for one example) talk...

So I'm at a conference (you know this, I know). Today was Day 1 of the conference and I was excited to see one of the early symposiums (symposia?). I got there early, got a decent seat, got my phone out to live-tweet, got my paper, pen - ready to go.

I didn't really know what the first talk was about, I didn't understand the title - but it was clear as soon as the speaker started explaining that this was something super interesting and really relevant for me, so I was excited. I started eagerly taking notes and my mind was racing about how I could translate this idea into my own work when I get home to PCU.

Except then the speaker started kind of trailing off... and then rambling.... and then he would say "Oh I won't go into that.." and skipping ahead. Then he spent a lot of time on one slide... Then finally the moderator gave him the 5 minute warning, he went "oh shit" and skipped through 6-8 slides saying "I guess I don't have time to tell you about that." That was Fatal Flaw That Pisses Psyc Girl Off #1.

The Second Fatal Flaw That Pisses Psyc Girl Off (#2) is that the speaker started talking as if I already knew what the talk was about. I understand where a speaker can get that impression - everyone taking part in the symposium with you is clearly on the same page, and I probably wouldn't go to the talk if I wasn't interested. However, I only know what the speaker tells me. And I walked away from the talk not understanding what they did, so I am not sure how I can implement it (I guess I can email them for more details, although they didn't display their email address.... I could google it).

I went to another talk that I was equally excited to go to - an address by someone whose work has really influenced mine. It was awful.

The next day I went to a third awful talk. It started out strong, and again the material was fascinating. But it fell apart in the final third. It was clear the speaker hadn't had a chance to finish organizing the talk and had thrown some things in. The point was lost, the speaker started to ramble... you can predict where it went (see above two examples).

Disclaimer: A lot of us are not really taught how to do solid presentations. First, some graduate programs don't give a lot of opportunities to present, let alone in different venues (elevator talk, class, public talk, conference talk) (shame on them!). Second, a lot of people avoid giving talks at all costs. Third, people suck at giving talk feedback - no one wants to hurt someone's feelings. Luckily for me neither OSA nor Dr. Smooth ever had that problem. OSA was notorious for crushing your soul and making you practice for hours until it was right - and it sucked at the time but I'm really grateful now.

But really, if I can go from having paralyzing anxiety to being a decent public speaker, than anyone can. Thus, I give you:

Psyc Girl's List of Shit to Do For Talks (And Some Shit Not To Do)

• Take every opportunity you can to give as many talks as possible. Yeah, I know, you "hate doing talks" and "you suck at them" and they "make you really anxious." Suck it up and deal. Part of being a good scientist is communicating your results - no one gives a crap about your amazing research if you can't communicate it to other people. The only way to get better at giving talks is to actually give them

• Practice with people you trust and ask them for feedback. Give them permission to be frank in honest in their feedback. If they care about you they won't want you to look like an idiot

• Don't argue with the people who give you feedback and don't get defensive. Listen to what they have to say because they are unlikely to be lying to you. If they didn't understand something that is your fault, not theirs.

•  Time your talk. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD TIME YOUR TALK

• Now, remove enough material from your talk that you are 2 minutes under the maximum amount of time for your talk. Because when you're actually in the room, in front of people, it might not go perfectly. And no one will be upset if you are under by 120 seconds. You weren't going to say anything earth-altering in those 120 seconds anyway.

• The following are not acceptable means of addressing a talk that is too long: 1) talking faster, 2) putting more information on your slides, 3) skipping a lot of slides, 4) being a dick and running over time. The only acceptable means is editing your talk so that it is shorter. Which you won't know to do unless you practice a million times

• Do not read your talk. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. 

• Since you won't be reading your talk, make sure you put information on your slides that will prompt you to remember what to say. For example, I often organize my talks by major points or lists with numbers so that I can remember where I am going. Headers and titles are good too

• If it can be said with a graphic, diagram, table, chart, interpretive dance, lolcats then do not explain it in text. Period. 

• Do not read your slides word for word. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. It's okay to put stuff on your slides that you don't even acknowledge, because people will be reading them and listening to you, moving their attention back and forth

• Don't use full sentences on slides unless you're quoting or making a specific point that requires a full sentence

• If you put too much text on your slides, people won't be listening to you at all, because they will be trying to read your slides. Just FYI

• Also I'm a fan of dark text on light backgrounds, because it tends to work regardless of the lighting in the room

• Do (please please please) allow your enthusiasm for your topic area to show. (I'm assuming you're doing a talk about something you're at least mildly interested in). Excitement is contagious. If you sound like you're bored by your talk then why should the rest of us be interested in it?

• When you're preparing your talk, think of the 2-3 things you want your audience to remember. Because that's probably all they can. And they might need iterations and repetition to remember it. Also examples. Teaching by examples makes info much easier to consolidate and remember

• Pace yourself appropriately (I kind of suck at this one)

• I will end with some repetition: Practice! A lot! Do as many as you can - always say yes to a presentation you are invited to give and be flattered you were asked. And recognize that there is always something you can improve (For example, while I do a lot of public talks and seminars on campus/with the people I consult with, I don't tend to do a lot of conference talks and my nerves make them less dynamic than my other talks are). But, the more I do, the better I will get!

I go to talks because I truly want to learn about the topic of the symposium (or sometimes because I want to support people I care about). That should be really flattering! In fact, if I'm going to use a consumer model (which admittedly I would hate to use with education, so bear with me) I traveled pretty far and paid a fair chunk of change to learn about the things I'm going to learn about at my conference. So when people clearly threw their slides together on the plane, or last night, or have apparently never seen them before, it's really frustrating and disappointing. Plus I guarantee you if you take the time to learn how to deliver an excellent talk, you'll be asked to do so more often, people will remember you, and thus they will remember your science (good for everyone).