people will hate you

I went to see a performance earlier this week. And I found it beautiful, awe-inspiring, and amazing as I always tend to find live performances. This one was doubly excellent because the performer's art is amazing but so is his dialogue, commentary, and stories between performances.

At one point, introducing one of his pieces, he said something that really resonated with me:

People will hate you.

People hating you is inescapable, he argued. They will hate you for reasons that are out of your control, have nothing to do with you, or aren't even consistent. Everyone will have people who hate them.

Within this reality, he went on to say, you might as well be yourself. You're going to be hated anyway, by at least a few people.

https://nofsgiven.wordpress.com/

I loved this. It's true - people are going to dislike you, no matter what you do. It's just part of being a human being. And I'm working on another post about gender and subtle sexism and what is "permissible" for me as a woman in academia (and a woman in general) that really highlights how people will judge and dislike you for reasons you can't control.

Over the past twelve to eighteen months I've been working a lot on grounding myself. I've been working on breaking my habit of people pleasing, trying to dissolve my tendency to think about what other people will think and not live my life based on how other people will perceive it.

I've been putting in lots of effort to disconnect from my career in a healthy manner - to care less about who disagrees with my opinions, to use my voice regardless of whether other people will agree or think I'm insane, and to not take work home with me but leave it on campus (sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively). Hearing "people will hate you" brought all of these experiences, thoughts, and goals down to a single phrase, which is perhaps why I liked it so much. I think it's my new slogan for a lifestyle that is increasingly becoming focused on just giving zero fucks.

conversations with ECB in her car

PG: "So your GPS seems to be making you a lot less angry, huh?"

ECB: "Affirmative."

PG: "I was kind of concerned you were going to drive into a telephone pole out of rage."

ECB: "That's a thought I'm willing to admit I have had."

PG: "Like, not by accident because you were so angry you were distracted, but on purpose as a means of ending the misery of the GPS-induced rage."

ECB: "Oh I totally understood what you meant."

PG: "You can't drive yourself into a telephone pole, because you're an integral component of my sanity. I can't do life without you."

ECB: "Oh my god, same. You can never leave me."

PG: "That seems unlikely. Also, I don't get as angry at my GPS."

ECB: "I think I'm going to tape a picture of your face to my dashboard so I remember."

PG: "That's slightly creepy, but I'm okay with that."

does this task count for tenure (with helpful flow chart)

This past week I had a fire sale (metaphorically speaking) on all tasks that don't lead to tenure. I'm trying to come to grips with this (excellent) decision because it means 1) disappointing people (primarily students and the colleagues who will now have to do All The Shit I Wasn't Supposed To Be Doing Anyway) and 2) a loss of immediate extra income.

Those things suck, and I suck at them, and I will definitely blog more about them (particularly the second) at some point. For now, here is my flow chart and some random bullets of observations about implementing this new approach.

Figure 1. How to Fucking Get Tenure

I'd like to think this flow chart is about as straightforward as it can get.